This morning feels much better. I guess mornings are filled with more gratitude than worry. Unless, of course, drinking is involved. Then mornings could be filled with just about anything. One good thing is that I can look forward to my mornings being filled with gratitude much more consistently now. I know life isn't always all roses even sober but I really am feeling lighter without the weight of worry about all of the bad things that could and would happen around drinking.
I can feel the depression lifting even more. Just one week ago today, I awoke in my hotel room mortified. This morning I awake, yet again, in a hotel room. But this time hiking, nature and friendship awaits the day. Instead of worrying if my friendship would be intact after my stupid, sloppy, and selfish behavior, I know just where I stand and who I am today. That sure does make me have a lot more to offer those around me.
I do still have a little sinking feeling in my heart. It hurts that others have had to deal with me, worry about me, put up with me, look out for me. My genuine heart and soul is extremely giving, compassionate, mindful and playful. I guess that is why I still have the people I love in my life. Even so, it feels a little like I was flirting dangerously at the edge. I wonder if maybe some of those relationships were hanging by a thread. Perhaps. I will never know.
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