Last evening the sun was setting on the lake in the mountains. It would be the normal time to enjoy I nice glass of wine and read or talk. My ego said, "You know if you had a glass of wine and watched this sunset, nothing would happen. Why do you have to give that up forever?" My ego was quite offended by the possibility that I cannot do whatever I want. Well, maybe not WHATEVER I want, but at least what most others can do, or even what I used to do. Honestly, last night if I had a glass of wine and watched the sunset, probably nothing would have happened. In the days before last week, if the same situation happened again, I would have that glass of wine, and probably one or two more, then stopped. The only reason I would have stopped is because I would have been so set on not ruining my morning hike and because I am with a friend who is a one or two drink kind of gal. It isn't about that. It is about what happens sometimes in other situations when there are many drinks, leading to personality changes, leading to sloppiness, leading to falling down. Put me in this same situation with a bunch of partying friends and no plans for hiking the next day and I would have been sloppy drunk by bedtime. They would have just been doing the normal drinking, talking, laughing, maybe overdoing it some, but nothing for them to be embarrassed about the next day. It is this that I have to remember.
It might be time for a drunk story just so I can squish the ego a bit. A few years ago, I took my friend out to dinner for her birthday. I was driving her so I didn't drink. Normally we might take a cab, go out in a city and get a hotel, or do something where no one had to drive. This was kind of a last minute idea and I was on a "I am really not drinking too much" kick. We had a great time at dinner. After dinner, we went back to her house and hung out on her porch. I had some wine as we talked, knowing that I would just crash at her place and not drive. We were both pretty buzzed when we decided to go hang out at another friend's house who lived next door. I had probably drank about a bottle of red wine at this point all by myself. I know this because she was drinking mixed drinks, not wine and I remember opening the wine bottle and then it being done. Once we got to the friend's house, I began downing beers pretty quickly. It wasn't as if I was grabbing them and chugging them but I was going through them way faster than anyone else. This an incident of the unpredictable flipping of the switch. If I had to guess, I was probably drinking fast starting with the wine on the porch just because I wanted to catch up, to catch a buzz, to be equal in giddiness and relaxation with my friend who had drinks at dinner. As I drank the beers quickly, I started to get pretty drunk. More drunk than just the normal drunk from the wine. I remember starting to talk too much about things; going on and on as I typically do when I get this way. I went to the bathroom and as I stepped up the step from the sunken living room, I just fell straight backwards. I believe my butt hit first, then the back of my head. I was unconscious for a few seconds. When I came too, I was totally confused. I remembered who I was and who some of my friends were but I couldn't remember anything else, not even the President of the United States. Of course my friends made sure I went right to the hospital by calling an ambulance. Because I am stubborn and pushy when drunk, I wouldn't allow the ambulance to take me even though I clearly had amnesia. Thankfully, everyone finally convinced me and I went to the hospital. It turns out that I was okay, just a concussion. However, my blood alcohol was .27. Once I knew I wasn't having bleeding in my brain and that I would be okay, I took the IV out of my arm myself and called a cab to take me and my friend who came with me in the ambulance home. (I did call the hospital later and give them all of my insurance information.) I would normally never do such a rude thing after people just took care of me! This was probably one of the very worst things that happened with drinking. I was depressed for weeks and scared out of my mind. The next day I drove straight to my parents and told them everything. I vowed to never drink again. Then a few weeks later, I felt happy, healthy and strong. I was ready to have fun again. Just not too much fun. I stayed in the sweet zone of drinking moderately for many many months. Maybe even a year. Until the next sloppy incident.
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